My Brain Is F@#ked Up


My brain is fucked up,
By stress, anxiety, it’s a mess,
Family falling apart,
Money causing strife.
***
Sleep seems distant to me,
But thoughts just circle,
Round the drain,
That is my mind.
***
If there was a wishing well,
I’d go back to when I was young,
And tell me it doesn’t end well.
***
The things that were certain,
Are dissolving around me,
The rocks of my life,
Are fading away like dist.
***
Twink twinkle night dark,
Please take me to sleep,
Where the dreams are sweet,
Beneath these sheets.
***
No wishing or pleading,
With the universe or god,
Is going to fix,
The bridges that have been burned.
***
I could write a thousand verses,
But I think this can only get worse,
Choices have been made,
And they cannot be reversed.
***
Maybe one day I’ll understand why,
Such pain had to be caused,
And he made the decisions he did,
But for now there is just what there is.
***
You can give all you can,
To offer family a helping hand,
But if they won’t take that help,
You have done all you can.
***
They say blood is thicker than water,
And I know family should be stronger,
But when a member no longer wants to,
A family begins to falter.
***
I’ve cried my tears,
Looked at the plans,
Laid out my fears,
While my heart cares.
***
But all I want to do,
Is run away,
Dispensary,
And imagine you are still there.

Darkness


There is a darkness around me,
One that is not ready to fade,
It envelopes me,
And makes me feel life is not worth it.
***
Life has been tough,
And it seems to get tougher every day.
I’ve lost loved ones,
And find it hard to keep smiling.
***
It is described as a darkness,
Because it is hard to see,
More than a day ahead at a time,
And the darker the less you can see.
***
But I won’t let the darkness win,
I’ll use my other senses,
To get where I’m going,
To where it is light again.

My Wings


I may seem strong,
But look beneath this facade,
And you will see the real me.
*
I carry all my years,
I’ve hidden all my tears,
And I will tell you if you want to hear.
*
Even after all this time,
I forgive all the pain,
And I gave up all my fears.
*
These wings on my back,
hide the scars of my life,
And give me protection for my life to come.

Justice for Breonna Taylor


Have you ever gone to bed,
Locked the door,
And laid down you head,
And had the thought pass right through,
That the police may tonight,
Visit you?
***
Without a knock,
With silent step,
Entered your house,
Found you in your bed,
Decided to upholster their gun,
And shoot you dead?
***
I’ve never had that fear,
And why would I,
When the racism is clear,
My white skin has protected me,
But this should not be,
Let’s fight for justice for Breonna’s family. 

All Lives Matter


All the words in the world,
Will never change,
That your life matters!
***
Don’t feel threatened that others,
Are demanding their lives matter,
Lenten and hear them out.
***
Some people need reminded,
That some lives matter,
As they seem to have forgotten.
***
So saying black lives matter,
Is not saying white doesn’t,
It’s reminding those who’ve forgotten.
***
Humans are Humans,
No matter their skin,
Beneath a heart is still beating.
***
Please don’t fight,
Because someone demands the right,
To have heir life matter tonight.
***
If you agree all lives matter,
You agree black lives matter,
And that’s all that matters.
***
Remind the racists,
That lives are lives,
And don’t let them get away with this.
***
Your life matters,
We all matter,
Black lives matter!

Funeral


Funerals are often said,
To be when people are laid to rest.
An ending to the person’s life,
But that doesn’t feel right.
***
I have found a funeral to be,
Something more akin to a sea.
A long outstretched emptiness before you,
Another journey to be got through.
***
But when all is said and done,
And the day has come and gone.
It isn’t the end of the person’s life,
Just the time to say goodbye.
***
In the weeks and months after,
The person memories linger onwards.
They are not forgotten or no more,
They stay with us for evermore.

You Were My Dream


There were nights I would sleep,
And wish I wouldn’t wake,
Seeing you with me,
Meant walking was a heartache.
***
Some people said I was silly,
But all I wanted was you with me,
I knew it wasn’t meant to be,
Just you with me, you see.
***
You made me fearless,
Happy to let go from it all,
You will never know,
How I feel when you call.
***
Life will never be the same,
Knowing you won’t love me,
The way I love you,
There will never be a me and you.

When They’re Gone, They’re Gone


As phrases go,
Everyone knows,
And it’s obvious,
When they are gone,
They are gone.
***
But the phrase,
Has no meaning,
Until it happens.
***
I thought I knew,
It’s obvious to me,
Isn’t obvious to you,
I won’t see them again.
***
But it’s more final,
Thank I could have known,
More of an end,
Than your mind can show.
***
When they’re gone,
They aren’t here,
And they never,
Will be again.

My Heart Is An Ocean


My heart is like an ocean,
Deep and everlasting.
It may look shallow on the outside,
But step in and you start drowning.
The barriers around it,
Go to the sky around the garden.
Letting people in,
Usually leads to my drowning.
There are places in my heart,
Even I daren’t go near.
Dark corners, small spaces,
And people living there that shouldn’t be.
Letting go is a struggle,
But keeping you in here is a pain.
Lying to myself that I don’t need you,
Just leads to me messing you.
If you were just a bad habit,
Breaking this would be easy.
But you are a ghost from my past,
A phantom that won’t leave.
My heart is an ocean,
Careful where you swim.

When You Feel Like Giving Up


When you feel like giving up,
And you just don’t give a fuck,
Just look up my number.
***
You don’t have to talk,
We could just go walk,
And I’ll be with you.
***
If you just put me on ramble,
I can talk and you can mumble,
While saying very little.
***
So if you need to vent,
Or just to hear my end,
Call and I’ll be with you.

Those Who Matter Know


Just please stop,
We get it you hurt,
But you didn’t bother for years.
Stop your crocodile tears,
You weren’t there to help,
You didn’t even bother.
But now you soak it up,
Make sure your noticed,
And get the sympathy.
Well those who know the truth,
Will know who you were,
The person who didn’t bother.
So when you post your,
Your “woe it’s me”s,
Think of the others you are hurting.

Mo Support


Hi everyone,
It’s me again,
Growing hair,
For a good cause.
***
If I can,
Take some time,
Please go look,
And share a dime.


Every year men needlessly die,
Sometimes by curable diseases,
Sometimes due to mental illness,
Please donate a little to the cause,
And help men out around the world.


See My Movember story here and please feel free to donate >
https://mobro.co/14055088?mc=1
Or see the facebook fundraiser here >
https://www.facebook.com/donate/444792016452820/

Depression


There is something,
Heavy and dark,
It is highly populated,
Yet not understood,
Unmapped. Busy but silent,
Noisy but mute,
You scream like the others,
But nobody looks,
Nobody notices,
It feels like nobody cares,
This is the cloudiness,
That never fails.
***
But don’t listen to it,
I have been there with you,
Suffered the same,
And known the shame,
People are here,
Willing to listen,
Willing to notice,
If you only let them, It won’t win,
When you have people behind you,
So if you need an ear,
Just shout me near,
And I will help you,
Any way I can.

Let Me Be There For You


We rarely see each other,
But you are in my thoughts,
Each and every day.
***
When life has been rocky,
You have always been there for me,
Even when you are miles away.
***
Let me repay the gift,
You constantly give selflessly,
By being there for you.
***
When you feel overwhelmed,
Just pick up the phone and give me a bell,
Let me listen like you did for me.
***
The world seems dark just now,
But I’ll shine the brightest light I can find,
Like you would do for me.

They Were Just Boys


They were just boys,
Some with parents to go back to,
Some with families young,
Some never tasting life,
Before it would shortly be done.
***
They were just boys,
Sat there in the boats,
Sat with their thoughts,
Sat on their own,
With everyone around them.
***
They were just boys,
Landing from the skies
Landing on the beaches,
Landing Where they,
Had never stepped before.
***
They were just boys,
With a gun in hand,
With wet legs,
With thoughts of home,
Praying to get back there.
***
They were just boys,
When they stood up to hate,
When they stood up to fear,
When they stood up for peace,
With gunfire in their ear.
***
They were just boys,
Who brought us safety,
Who brought us peace,
Who brought us an end,
To the fighting and war.

Migraine


It starts off like a trickle,
A flick of the light,
A trick of the eye,
A bit of the blind,
The it hits like a brick,
Right at the back of the head,
The throbbing,
The light,
The wishing for death,
But after a while,
It all goes away,
The pain subsides,
The brain relaxes,
The main is over,
Next is the mood,
It’s up so high,
It’s down so low,
It’s all over the place,
Not knowing where to go,
And all that is left,
Is feeling drained,
That is my attacks,
Of a migraine.

For A Fallen Petal


A person is like a petal,
Each one adds to the flower,
As a person adds to a family,
Eventually a petal falls.
***
Over time that gap will fill,
Although now time stands still,
And for now the gap is obvious,
But the gap is there for all of us.
***
There is a time for every petal,
As there is a time for all of us,
And when our petal falls,
We will land on God’s grass.

A Year Since


So that’s it,
Your gone and not coming back,
A year feels so long,
And yet it’s also gone,
I cherish the moments,
And smile at the memories,
Knowing that I can’t call you,
Or just pop round for a tea,
You will be missed,
Not forgotten,
And most of all,
You will continue in me.

What Is In A Tear?


What is in a tear,
Are the thoughts you cannot hear,
thoughts that have built up,
year on year.
*
In a tear,
Is the pain you had to bear,
The pain that you let show,
The pain that you’ve let go.
*
Don’t keep the tear,
Just let it go,
Learn to let you heart show,
and learn to let your tears set you free.

Illegal Love Of 1947


I sit in my cell,
Thinking about my sin,
Wondering what I have done,
Thinking about him,
I sit on my own.
***
I stand by the window,
Thinking what is love really,
Wondering what could have been done,
Thinking what is reality,
I stand by myself.
***
I love a man,
Thinking what is wrong,
Wondering what society has done,
Thinking why love is gone,
I love on my own.

Someone To Love


Here I sit in the dark,
Crying every night,
Looking for love,
No one can hear me,
I hurt on my own,
And all that I want,
Is someone to love.

Loss


We all know loss,
At some point in life.
Weather its a pet,
Brother or wife.
They all hurt,
In their unique way.
And everyone has,
Something to say.
Life seems unfair,
At least for a moment.
But remember them,
And hold them close.
As if they never went away.

What I Would Give


You could recite python,
Without missing a beat,
Make me smile,
From cheek to cheek,
Put me in stitches,
For over a week,
And say you love me,
As big as the street,
Now what I would give,
To hear goodnight one last time.

You could make eggs,
With a runny yoke,
Find the right time,
To tell the perfect joke,
Tried to fix things,
Or just give them a poke,
And say I love you,
As big as you know,
Now what I would give,
To say goodnight one last time.

They Will Not Win


We stand together,
Stand as one,
We stand against them,
They have not won,
We will stand strong,
And show them all,
They won’t win,
No not at all.

Hope


Hope,
Is not just a useless word,
It has endless meaning,
Freedom,
Is not an actless sentiment,
It keeps us breathing.
***
We all live in hope,
To live in freedom,
When freedom is taken for granted,
Hope is ignored,
And one by one,
People become,
Mindless hordes,
Living for tomorrow,
Saving for today,
Having nothing to their name.
***
Hope
Is not just a useless word,
It gives the world meaning,
Love,
Is a binding force,
That keeps hearts beating.
***
We all live in hope,
To find true love,
Which shows our blindness,
Love not just your partner,
With true love,
Love your neighbour,
Your father,
Your fellow humans,
With the same love,
And the world will be,
As it should.

*2016 National Poetry Society Annual Competition Entry